I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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