Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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