Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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