Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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