After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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