Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
