I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
