So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
