Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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