I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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