Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
