Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
