Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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