Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
