How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
