Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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