don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
