your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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