Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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