We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
