I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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