If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
