Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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