I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
