Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
