I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
