Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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