I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
