Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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