I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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