Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
