my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
