I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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