It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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