With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
