Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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