Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
