Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
