Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
