I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
