Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
