I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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