Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
