i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
