dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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