Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
