What a fucking waste of an outfit
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
