You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
