U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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