Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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