I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Couch. On fire.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
