Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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