She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize