He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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