oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am one with the molecules
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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