Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
