The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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