well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
