Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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