those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
