me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
