Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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