Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
