fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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