hotel room ftw
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?