Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now