small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?