wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.