Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.