he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?