i need an iv and a liver transplant
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
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It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him