her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me