I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
