I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy