I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday