It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?