You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment