There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
