yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
