can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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