Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
