cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize