i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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