his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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