You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
