can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
