Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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