he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
