Betty ford says i'm here all night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
