i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
