TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
