I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
