i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
