Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
