i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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