even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
