where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
