She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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